Hey friends! It is the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!
Tomorrow, we’ll start the wild ride of summer camps. We did the thing (that will probably drive us mad) where we chose a variety of camps—ranging from coding to guitar/rock band to Gymnastics to D&D. I swear, if someone told me that’s how I would spend my summer, I would be PSYCHED! Two months of new skills, new ideas, enriching my brain and body—I would LOVE it! And new people! Maybe even someone I like?!
As my husband and I were sitting at our kitchen table, going over our son’s wacky camp schedule, we heard blood-curdling screams coming from our hallway. A woman wailing, “SOMEONE HELP ME! MY BABY ISN’T BREATHING! HELP ME! HELP ME!!!!!!”
We ran out to see a neighbor on her knees in our hallway, shrieking and crying and pounding her baby on the back. My husband started attending to the child as I ran to grab my phone to call 911. Luckily, my husband, Jonathan, has taken many CPR classes over the years and was able to click into the first thing they teach you to do: Clear The Airway. He took his finger and shoved it down the baby’s throat, quickly dislodging a piece of fruit that flung into the air and landed on the hallway carpet. I put my phone down when I heard the welcome, welcome sounds of a baby crying. Many other neighbors were watching, their doors half open, ready to spring into action if we needed more help. The poor mother was just so distraught, unable to calm herself. But the baby was just fine.
I don’t think I’m putting it mildly when I say my husband saved a kid’s life today.
We sat back down at the kitchen table but couldn’t focus, so I suggested we walk around the block just to calm ourselves. We were also rattled, half crying, processing what had just happened. And it brought me back, back in time, to the high-risk project of caring for an infant. I was so stressed, overwhelmed, and clueless about how things worked and what was best, and I constantly second-guessed myself.
Everything felt so intense that first year. Our friends with older kids would joke, “Your only job in the first year is to keep it alive!” How daunting that seemed at times, as I woke up dozens of times in the night to check on the breathing, watching for that rise and fall of his little chest. Consumed with how much the baby was consuming - milk, formula, otherwise- was it enough? (We initially got hit with that failure-to-thrive issue because I couldn’t produce enough milk. Once we started supplementing with formula, things resolved quickly, but it was so emotional, and I fell into the trap of feeling like such a failure). The wild safety measures we added to our apartment: chains on windows, plug covers, door latches, foam on coffee table corners… and hovering over him at the playground as he seemed to desire nothing more than to hurl himself off of the tallest thing he could climb. I would be absolutely lying if I said I wasn’t brought to my knees numerous times, soaked in tears.
Don’t get me wrong—there were plenty of amazingly fun and wildly enjoyable moments, too—I probably even relaxed here and there, but that’s not where my head and heart went witnessing this mom today.
And then I went to pick up our 8-year-old from the last day of 3rd grade and watched a beaming child run toward me, yelling, “Whooo hooo!!! No more school! Mom, can I have an ice cream?!”
I was reminded of this beautiful short video by Hannah Fry, a Math professor and science presenter who does a lot of stuff for the BCC. This clip is about 5 WORDS that will make you feel GREAT. As a parent, they bring up a lot of emotion for me, but they are:
These are the good days.
These are the good days.
And with that, I decided to focus on the milestone we just reached today and a few positive reflections from the year:
There were only six calls from the school, and none of them required a hospital or even medical intervention! I, however, needed a cold shower and a round of box breathing after each one to get my heart rate down, triggered by just seeing the school’s number pop up on my phone.
Only one pair of replacement glasses was purchased! Those broke the first week of school during a recess scuffle that was supposedly friendly (?). Thanks to a listener, I now order from paireyewear.com. If you need affordable eyeglasses for you or your kid, this site is great.
Over 60% of the lunches that were made were eaten! Or thrown away… or traded for Skittles… We will never know! Nor do I have time to go through all of that security footage from the lunchroom I requested.
KIDDING!We only went through 3 water bottles - 2 lost, one broken - and who knew you could break a metal water bottle? But my kid found a way. Clearly a genius!
Most of the homework was completed. Approximately 36 tears were shed over more extensive science fair and book report projects. We only forgot there was NO SCHOOL twice, and we made it on time in the morning 11 times. Technically, that was a fail out of 180 days, but we were only late by a few minutes and always seemed to arrive in the good company of over half of the school’s population, so… I’ll say that’s a community win!
My son finally learned how to tie his shoes, devoured the Harry Potter series, made one or two friends he’d liked to chase down in the summer, and still likes to give me long hugs. He seems happy.
All in all, these are the good days.
How was your last day of school? Do you remember the movies they played in your school on the last day? I’m still processing seeing Old Yeller at the end of the second grade, surrounded by my entire class in the school’s gymnasium. WTF school board in the 80s??
LIVE STANDUP ALERT! Are you in Nashville, or know someone who is? I’m headlining the Lab at Zanies on Thurs, July 18th, at 7 pm - that’s right, 50 minutes of live standup comedy from me! I would love it if you or someone you know would come - so I can prove that I can sell tickets :)
I definitely know how to do the standup part, so it’s a guaranteed good time!
Get Your Tickets!
Also, I know you know we have a podcast called Parenting is a Joke, where I talk to a fantastic group of comedians, celebrities, and professional, funny people about managing the unpredictability of having a creative career with the unpredictability of raising kids. So, if you haven’t listened to all 86 of our banked episodes yet, now’s your chance to catch up! We’ll be back very soon with brand-new shows and our usual offering of stellar guests.
Here are a few selected favorites for you:
Laura Prepon
Andy Richter
Michelle Buteau
Liz Tenety from Mother.ly
Roy Wood Jr.
Thank you so much for being here and I hope today, you feel great. xxOphira