Eggos in the Freezer... Just in Case
Just like parenthood, nobody told me I would cry this much
We are gearing up for our big season 2 launch of new season of Parenting is a Joke - with a great episode featuring David Cross and Amber Tamblyn! Check out our trailer here.
For this week's substack, we wanted to showcase a personal story from our beloved social media manager, Laura Vogel, who just went through the process of freezing her eggs! I know so many friends who have done this - it's an experience that is unique for every woman who does it, and I loved what she had to say about it - I'm sure you will to.
Hi, Parenting is a Joke, fam! You might not recognize my name, but I'm the social media manager here at PIAJ. I'm childless and, 38 (very much by choice and design) and queer-identified. You might think I don't have a ton in common with the people who are on or who listen to this podcast...but that's not so much the case.
Did you know that kids control a huge amount of our culture? Back to school is bonkers because parents come back to work (weren't we all working all summer?! no?!)
Key posting times on social media are often when parents are awake, but kids are not (late nights and early mornings), and so much of our economy revolves around kids, the care of kids, and when parents are free of their kids.
I'm totally cool with that - but it does make the choice to not have kids one you have to make over and over again, in the face of a lot of social, normative pressure. It's even more complex for women because our biology has more of a clock on it than the male variety of our species. I haven't wanted to have kids, but what if I change my mind? I work a LOT because I love it, but what if I wake up at 45 and feel the need to participate in the adventure of genetic parenting? Even Ophira, the host of this podcast, hadn't decided to go on this train ride until she was in her 40s... shouldn't I have a backup plan?
All of this, and too much time on my hands this summer due to other people on "summer break," led me to consider freezing my eggs. I'm a planner and love a backup plan, so I figured, why not? It's expensive (average cost is $15-25k; thank goodness I was on the low end of the range), and people say you feel hormonal, like the worst day of your period, for many days in a row. But the result is that after just a couple of weeks of annoyance and a big bill, you don't have to think about it Every. Single. Day Ever Again.
And it's a great way to make your mom stop nagging you about grandkids--they're in the freezer!
It turns out that the description of the hormonal hell was a HUGE understatement. Maybe other people experience this less intensely, but for me - I was UNHINGED for 2 weeks. I cried over spilled milk when making my morning coffee the day after I started the hormones, and the night of my trigger shot (the last, most intense shot before the egg retrieval procedure), I cried so much my best friend had to come over to hug me and calm me down. I haven't been lost in that much of a cry spiral since I was, in fact, a kid.
You must go to "check-up" appointments very early in the morning for about 2 weeks. They say the time is because most people want to come to the office before work - but for those of us who work in entertainment, that's the middle of the night. Leaving your house at 6 a.m. after going to bed at 2:30 a.m. is some specific kind of torture. Then, when you arrive, you get the pleasure of a blood test and a transvaginal sonogram from a stranger (the doctors rotate). It's not my favorite way to wake up!
AND to make things even better, the TV show, Reba, played on the TV in the waiting room CONSTANTLY and ON REPEAT. Sitting there at the crack of dawn, exhausted, waiting even though I was on time to get a procedure that I didn't want, I wasn't sure I'd use but was paying thousands for, all to the refrain of:
"A single mom who works two jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands and the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor."
It made me want to punch everyone nearby. Not to mention, I had dated someone who was ON the show, adding insult to injury. If you don't remember that show, in the first episode, Reba's husband leaves her to marry his pregnant 22-year-old girlfriend, and Reba also finds out that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant—perfect programming for a FERTILITY CENTER.
They told me to expect 10 eggs. I had no idea until well into the process that I might have to do this more than once - but let me tell you, that was NOT happening. By day 4, I had decided that if these eggs were ever going to get any use, they'd be going in someone else. I'd have to make enough money to afford a surrogate or start dating younger women. I was NOT going through anything like this ever again.
Well, the procedure worked, and I ended up with 20 eggs. Honestly, I blame that bounty on my utter annoyance and persistence to never go through this again. Will I use them? Who knows. Is it over? Yes.
I don't know if I learned anything other than I'd never like to see REBA again and that hormones are fucking wild. But I do appreciate that now, when I go on a date, see my mom, or work late - I don't have to worry about my ovaries judging me.
Look forward to new episodes of Parenting is a Joke starting next Tuesday Sept 12th with David Cross and Amber Tamblyn. Also look forward to upcoming episodes with Michelle Buteau, Margaret and Amy, hosts of What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood, plus Alyce Chan, New Yorker cartoonists Emily Flake and Julia Wertz and so many more. We can’t wait to share them with you.