I was just trying to create a fun moment
"No one else knows what they’re doing either"
Hey! It’s your rookie mom pal Ophira here.
9 Days left of school AHHHHHHHHH. But Parenting is a Joke is here for you AND this week on the podcast we feature an incredible comic, actor, you know her voice as Louise Belcher on Bob’s Burgers - Kristen Schaal!
She talks about her two ectopic pregnancies, "last call snacks," and why she can't imagine writing a book about parenting. Kristen rarely appears on podcasts because she is WORKING and RAISING A LITTLE KID so I was extra appreciative and thrilled to have her. As expected - she is hilarious and also very thoughtful.
This week a fan of the podcast reached out on Twitter - she said her kids are mostly grown and I asked for some quick impressions of parenting. She wrote (and yes I got her permission to share):
Teenagers really do stink
Sports are overrated if you want a life. Let them choose ONE (Swimming means no stinky athletic shoes around!)
No one else knows what they’re doing either
Brilliant. Words to live by, embroider, and retweet.
Last weekend, my son and I recently watched a kid’s band do a live rendition of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It.” Right after, my son said to me, “I love that song! Can we hear it again?” “Absolutely!” even though I’m always trying to avoid any scenario where we add a screen to the mix, I heard myself saying, “Do you want to see the really cool music video that goes with that song?” His eyes widened. Mom’s suggesting screen time?!
And, of course, I had a hidden agenda: my son loves to dance; he dances around the house constantly, and he always asks us to watch and enjoy the new dance moves he’s invented. And dare I say, the kid can move! He’s got something in him. I find myself constantly attaching myself like a river leech to anything my kid seems to like to do or has some perceived natural ability, and then I try to formalize it in a class. Am I nurturing or Smooshing down? So I’ve wondered, should we put him in dance classes next year? Ballet? Tap? Martha Graham? Ballroom?
Should we just show him Billy Elliot?
So we watched Beat It and, what can I say – the dancing in this video is incredible, but I forgot that people are smoking in it. And it’s about two gangs fighting with switchblades. The whole thing in the context of now is troubling, to use a slightly watered-down word, BUT the dancing is so good. My son loved it. I want every piece of clothing in it.
Also, I’ll admit it, and it hit a deep nostalgia nerve in me SO HARD. I missed that Michael Jackson, the one we roller-skated to at Lloyd’s Roller Rink in Calgary. They had a big screen in the middle of the rink where they would show music videos, and we were all enthralled. Lost in that innocent memory, I told my 7-year-old son, “If you love that, do you want to watch one with even more dancing? It’s called ‘Thriller.’”
I DISTINCTLY remember when “Thriller” came out as I had a VHS copy of it that someone in Los Angeles made for my sister – I don’t understand the logic of all of that now, but the fact that I had it on VHS in Canada was so cool. Maybe it was because we didn’t get MTV north of the border. ANYHOW – we watched that VHS tape hundreds of times. So when I started watching it on my iPhone with my son, I was immediately transported into an almost trance-like state. I used to know this video so well, like every frame of it., I even remember watching a show on the making of Thriller, the monster make-up, and the now iconic choreography. And as we’re watching the beginning, I’m also putting it all in context of what I know now, who Michael Jackson became, that documentary, his death.
Should we be watching this at all? But my inner cancel culture conversation is interrupted by my son screaming, “Turn it off! Turn it off!”
I forgot how long it takes to get to the actual song and dancing, and I guess it scared the shit out of my son. It is somewhat scary: He’s on a date in the 50s, turns into a werewolf, his date screams bloody murder, then it’s the 80s, and they are watching it at the movies, then they leave, and he turns into a zombie. She screams like crazy again. Dead zombies and ghouls come out of the ground, and finally, the dancing.
My son was belting out a billion questions, “Why is he a werewolf? Why is it a movie? Is this in the movie, or is this real? I thought he was a werewolf; why is he now a green zombie? Can werewolves become zombies? Are those other zombies real? Do all humans turn into zombies? And I replied shaken, “Uh, uh… None of it is real; it’s just a weird story.” It’s a bit hard to explain that it’s not supposed to make sense, or rather, it doesn’t matter that it doesn’t make sense. Maybe you’ve nailed how to explain that logic isn’t important to a music video or many things, but I couldn’t find the right words. But he insisted we watch it to the end, even though he seemed to hate it, as he also couldn’t look away. And he said, “Thanks a lot, Mom. You shouldn’t have shown me that! Now I’m going to have nightmares for days! Thanks a lot.”
Cool, that’s me, instilling terror in my child’s head since 2017.
I mentioned this to a mom-friend (who is also a friend-mom). She said “Don’t make the mistake I did and show him the video for “Man In the Mirror”. If you don’t remember – it’s primarily raw footage of global atrocities and lots of starving and dying children, homelessness – NO DANCING.
And I was reminded why we need to talk to other parents and create a community – how important that is emotionally because it always makes you feel better when you find out someone fucked up a little more than you!
And one day I’ll replace his zombie nightmares with the cold, harsh realities of the world.
Love to hear about your mistakes! Cathartic! Hilarious! Relatable! So send us an email info@prettygoodfriends.com or a voice memo and we might feature it on the podcast.
Oh yeah. Happy Father’s Day. <insert the emoji you’re thinking of>