My Delusional List of Things To Do 72 Hours Before a Tropical Vacation

Then I can relax...right?

Hello readers! Happy April! Julie, here. It’s spring in Vermont which means we are preparing for a big snowstorm while manic daffodil bulbs try to keep their shit together.

We’ve got a new episode out this week. Ophira talks to Andie Mitchell and Sabrina Kohlberg about their new podcast Pop Culture Moms. They also talk about woodworking, the logistical hell of commuting while nursing, and the best mom representation on TV (spoiler alert, it’s Bluey’s mom Chili).

Over here at Parenting is a Joke, our crew of 4 is staring down the barrel of 4 different school vacation weeks. Production schedule CHAOS! I’m up first, next week my family is going on our first plane-vacation since pre-Covid. We’re headed to Costa Rica and we're all very excited.

But, for me personally, the week leading up to a big trip is always stressful. I try to get ALL OF THE THINGS done so I can truly relax on vacation (not really possible) and come back to the best version of myself, my work, and my home (not going to happen).

I think because I’m in a rush to button things up at work, I bring that frenetic energy to my home life???

Ask AI to generate an image of a sloth working on a to-do list was #21 on my list.

My Unrealistic List of Things To Do is aspirational, but I promise when I write it up, I actually think I’m going to get all of it done in the 3 days leading up to this vacation. DO OTHER PEOPLE DO THIS?! Please leave your most delusional pre-vacation checklist item in the comments.

Here’s mine:

1. Get prescription sunglasses.

2. Get a bikini wax and pedicure. Find out what color nail polish people wear in 2024.

3. Bring down summer clothes from attic and sort through my kids winter clothes, putting stuff that will still fit them in 9 months in a bin in the attic. Sort the rest of the clothes into distinct piles for various cousins and then ship out to each family across New England. Write a fun personalized note to each of my nieces and nephews with the care package!

4. Get a new prescription so I can get the prescription sunglasses.

5. Vacuum floor mats of my car.

6. Do my taxes and figure out a better system for next year’s taxes.

7. Fix my cracked iPhone screen.

8. Teach the children conversational Spanish.

9. Do all the laundry. Leave with Laundry Zero.

10. Figure out the right way to frame a conversation with our kids about buying souvenirs so they understand financial responsibility; and also understand that the cultural experiences and family togetherness are the important things to bring back from a trip, not a howler monkey stuffy and volcano keychain from the airport.

11. Pack for myself, and my kids. (start a separate list of what to pack for each).

12. Get toned arms.

13. Buy a raincoat that’s actually waterproof and a little stylish but that arrives in 2 days to rural Vermont (or is available at the LL Bean store near my house, so scratch stylish).

14. Think about getting bangs.

15. Make kids try on last summer’s sandals to make sure they still fit and if they don’t, buy a new pair that arrives in 2 days to rural Vermont. Amidst a snowstorm.

16. Nail down the logistics of getting to the airport if the flight departs at 6a on Saturday and we live 2 hours away and need to be there 2 hours early.

17. Find swim lessons for my kids for the 2nd week of August.

18. Listen to Beyonce’s new album.

19. Buy sunblock that is made of clean ingredients that won’t turn my skin white, or stain my clothes and is under $20, and is readily available in rural Vermont in April.

20. Make a photo album of our kids’ first 7 years of life. Cull and organize the photos from my iPhone, my husband’s iPhone, various old iPhones, and various emails and shared photo folders that have been sent to us over the years. Digitize print photos handed down to us by previous three generations of family members, mine and husband’s.

How many things will I check off this list??? Will I see a sloth? How do sloths remain so calm about their to-do lists? What should I make for dinner tomorrow if we lose power during the storm? HOW WILL I SEE MY TO DO LIST IF LOSE POWER?!

I just got a notification that school is cancelled tomorrow. Snow day. Happy start of spring break season!

Enjoy this week’s episode with Pop-Culture Moms, Andie and Sabrina, and we’ll see you next week with an episode celebrating Earth Day, with CNN’s Climate Correspondent Bill Weir!