What's Wrong With A Spoiled Kid
What's Wrong With A Spoiled Kid
Have we changed our definition of what that even is?
Hello Parenting is a Jokesters! I hope you are still basking in the glow of your Mother’s Day, but you probably feel like that was an eternity ago. If you’d like to enjoy a quick hit of some dark comedy about Mother’s Day, click here.
This week’s episode is huge; what a treat! I got to talk to one of my favorite TV actors, Laura Prepon! She talked to me on her day off from directing and acting on That ‘90s Show. We talked about Mother’s Day plans, working long hours while raising two kids, and what’s more challenging, a weekend alone with the kids or an 18-hour day directing on set.
Do you do spring cleaning and get rid of a bunch of crap? Even Marie Kondo admitted that since she’s had kids, there is crap all over her formally minimalist digs. I love the idea of throwing things out - I look at things I want to get rid of all the time, but I don’t do the next step; I just let it sit there until…I don't know, we move? And my kid has drawers of plastic crap. Drawers! It’s never-ending.
To that POINT, I remember judging a friend who had a little kid who said, "'I'd rather just buy my kid a $7 doll from the store every other day than hear her complain and beg all the time – I mean, she’s my only kid, so, of course, she’s going to be spoiled. What’s the big deal? “
She even went global and topped it with “and the state of the planet and political system I’m leaving her to inherit? You might as well enjoy a bunch of toys now.
And I judged her because I thought - Where’s the discipline? Where are the boundaries and the lessons of the value of money and not getting every material thing you desire?
But now, I sort of understand her point of view because so many of my impulses are ruled by what? GUILT! Yes, guilt.
Now, I grew up in a family where I was considered the spoiled one – I’m the youngest of six. I remember I wanted some Barbie furniture for my Barbie Dreamhouse – because that’s how they get you, you get the house, but then you have to furnish the rooms one at a time. And I picked up the pink and lime living room lounge set at the department store, like a Target – we were probably there to buy cleaning supplies or some hardware or something, but of course, I wanted to go to the toy aisle. I told my mother to buy me the lounge set, and she said no. NO! And I cried and cried, like a total public department store meltdown, and she did not relent. And I know I wasn’t 5; I was 8, on the edge of 9, so one, shouldn’t I have grown out of that? And two, my lungs and persistence were fully developed, so I could really belt out, scream, and cry.
In hindsight, I did end up with all the furniture, so that means MANY times I asked my mom to buy me these toys, she said YES. But I only remember the time she said NO. Amazing.
They just had the Scholastic book fair at my son's school, and he asked us to.. get this…put $70 in his digital wallet. That’s a lot of money! That’s what I take home after doing two sets in NYC on a weekday night, just in case you were wondering how much comics are raking in when you see us at even the best clubs in the country on a weekday night. But I was also thinking– he wants money for BOOKS. We should encourage this. So we came up with a list of some extra chores he could do around the house to earn this money, which he did for three days, and then once he got his $70, he was done. I came home from the book fair with six comic books. It was not exactly what we agreed upon, but he was thrilled, so I don't know?! It’s fine?
And I’ve been away, and YES, I’m racked with guilt, cause you know what – I came home, and I was like, oh my god, my kid is TALLER. Taller. He grew while I was away. That one really gets to you, people. So I knew he needed a new water bottle and bike helmet, so I said, let’s go to Target, and we’re at Target. Of course, he beelines to the toy section, and of course, he wanted something, and I was feeling weak, listeners; actually, I had the holy trinity going: tired, guilty, and weak. But then I thought I’d at least try to have some boundaries, so I said, “I’m feeling very generous <ahem>, so I’m going to give you $20 to get yourself something.” And then we talked about how he can do more things around the apartment and NOT ask for things for a while – all of this is great at the moment because I’ve found I can get this kid to agree to do wash, fold, and press our entire building’s laundry for a month, in the 10 seconds before he feels like he’s going to get a new toy.
And, of course, he picked something that was $21.99 and begged and begged and begged for it. Just 1.99 cents more, Mommy. Oh yeah, all of a sudden, he’s calling me mommy and doing this thing where he makes his face into what he calls sad puppy dog eyes and presses his palms together like he’s in prayer. And I fell for it and bought it. And the whole way home, I’m the best mom ever, and he’s so happy and excited, and you know what, listeners. He might be getting his dopamine hit from having this new thing, but I’m getting mine experiencing him being SO excited.
Oh, and what did he choose? It’s a 21.99 plastic VR goggle thing where aliens appear, and you use this wrist blaster to shoot them - they make this weird, annoying sound when you get them. It’s a piece of crap - it has no volume adjustments nor an off button and takes 8 AAA batteries. So the worst. He loves it.
My husband mentioned that he was a little mad at me for buying him a toy right after we had given him so much money for the book fair. And he’s right. I’M WEAK!! And I can’t decide if I care. Ha. But what do you think? Am I just teaching my kid that it doesn’t matter how much we fill the bucket; it always feels empty? He should be happy with less. Or is it more – who the fuck cares? This world is brutal; let him have a dumb toy? Spoil him! Don’t spoil him. Spoil him!
What do you think? I hear completely conflicting things from parents on this matter, so let’s see if you, readers, agree.
Don’t miss this week’s epic episode with actor and director Laura Prepon, and next week, we have a favorite! Rachel Feinstein has a new Netflix special out next Tuesday and we have a brand new episode with her dropping that same day.
Until next time! And I’ll let you know how my hospital-grade colonoscopy went that I have to have because every cancer runs in my family; I have a somewhat tortuous colon (thanks again, genetics) and adhesions from the surgery I had after the car accident when I was a kid so AWESOME. Let’s hope it’s all just gross and nothing more. The same could be said about parenting.
I think, as with most things, there's a balance at play. Giving into your child's every whim generally leads to a person who will have a very hard time finding a job because they don't have the attitude for it. But when parents are too afraid of spoiling their children they often forget that they are children and need to be lavished upon at times. And the exact line is probably very hard to find.