What's Wrong With Ice-Cream for Breakfast?

May We All Have the Metabolism of an 8-yr-old

And here we are in the last week of June. It’s been a hell of a week in my house, with some intense stuff going on with the extended family that I’m sure I’ll write about at some point, but for now, I wanted to share some fun and light-hearted reflections on being a parent.

But first – check out this week’s hysterical episode with comedian Rachel Feinstein! Her new Netflix special, Big Guy, is out right now, and you’ll love our very funny conversation about her little daughter talking back to her and how being married to a firefighter is the perfect match for a comic.

All parents say they grow up so fast – don’t miss the best parts of their lives. Lucky for me, I had my son later, so I wouldn’t miss the best parts of my life!

But even at 8, my son occasionally throws out very mature thoughts at me. I can never tell if they came from his soul or if he is parroting something he saw on TV or read in Big Nate. For example, this weekend, I wanted to go to the opening weekend of a place near me in NY called Governor’s Island, - they had an art fair of sorts happening, but my son said he just wanted to go to the playground up the street, like the same playground we always go to. And I said, “But we never go to Governor’s Island.” And my son replied, “Mom, kids like to go places they are familiar with because it’s comforting.” 

Whaaaaatttttt? Well, that stopped me for a moment. Is he that in touch with feelings? Is he that in need of comfort? Will we ever do something new? Because I AM BORED OF THAT PLAYGROUND!

And just when I think he’s wise beyond his age, and my little boy is all grown up, he comes to the dinner table dressed in a crown, dragon’s head, with a pair of flashing glasses on, declaring he’s King Dragon Man!

and I think - oh, he’s 5 years old again….

And on the topic of KIDS and FOOD

Don’t you wish you could eat like an 8-year-old? Last weekend, producer Julie told me that at a cookout, she watched her son down two cheeseburgers, a hot dog, heaping helpings of chips, watermelon, brownies, and multiple juice boxes. When he got home, he said, “My only regret from the party was that I didn’t eat enough food.” She thought he was kidding, but he begged, “Please, Mom, I’m starving.” The metabolism of an 8-year-old is a wild ride.

Recently, my kid went to a morning birthday party where they primarily sat in a basement with a variety of video games, switches, and other games, and they played while shoveling palms of candy in their mouth, pizza slices, and finally, cake. No child came up from that basement with a question or a request for… 4 ½ hours! I mean, that’s when we left. Those other kids, we’re still going. They might still be there now, as happy as can be. Best birthday party ever.

With an afternoon ahead of us, we ventured over to the Brooklyn Pier where there is a slide playground. It also has a little outdoor food area, and after an hour of watching my son scream down slides, I felt like a rosé. It was gorgeous out and truly felt like the first day of summer in NY. I didn’t have a show later, so why not pink wine it up? I asked my son what he wanted, and he requested ice cream. As soon as I handed it to him, I remembered that he’d just come from a birthday party where all he ate was candy, cake, and pizza! Oh wow, this is a mistake! But good news, two spoonfuls in, he laid on the ground splaying his legs and holding his belly while groaning like me the morning after a bender, “I can never have sugar again”

And me being me, unable to let any food go unfinished or to waste, let alone a $7 ice cream, I scooped it into my mouth, washed it down with my glass of rosé, and then gathered up my son so we could limp over to the bus to take us home. Needless to say, everyone in this story had to write something on their Bad Choices chart when we got home. Bad Choices chart is what I call my gratitude journal.

How’s your pre-summer going? Have you also received those triggering emails from your school gleefully announcing the meager number of school days left? Stop bragging, teachers!

Until that madness happens, check out this week’s episode of Parenting is a Joke with Rachel Feinstein and look forward to next week with AJ Jacobs, host of The Puzzler podcast and author of the new book, Living A Year Constitutionally!