Will Santa Bring a Trampoline?
The answer is no.
Producer Julie here, Happy December! Over here at Parenting is a Joke we are cranking on new episodes. This week’s episode is with the ruling monarch of parenting data, Dr. Emily Oster! She says don’t bother trying to deter potty talk, everyone has to acknowledge that butts are funny. Next week we have the Daily Show’s Desi Lydic!
Last week Ophira shared her son’s Holiday list. This week I thought I’d share three highlights from the “Letter to Santa or Whoever Brings Gifts” that my 7-year-old twins Gus and Winnie co-wrote together.
Let’s dive right in with:
Gems and Gold (real)
Lots to unpack with this one from my daughter. Is this an effort to collect wealth? Is she actually looking to invest in physical gold?! Or does she simply want to step up her jewelry collection? (her jewels at this point are primarily made of materials that pollute our oceans) I don’t have much jewelry, but she’s already scoured it and asked if she could take the “good turquoise” necklaces and bracelets “when I die.” So I guess she knows she’s not getting Gems and Gold (real) from me!
Trampoline (Def!)
Def not. First off, I know myself: a trampoline purchase in December means I’ll separate my shoulder in March. I also have enough anxiety watching my children ski, I don’t need this springboard of polypropylene stress in my life. Plus, our local pediatrician has an actual policy that she Doesn’t Not Accept Patients Who Have Trampolines. Not kidding. That’s all the risk-assessment data I need!!
However, I found it very charming that a trampoline was nestled among a list of $2 Pokemon cards.
W - 6 Baseball Card Packs
Winnie does not like baseball cards. Asking for one pack more than her baseball card-collecting-twin was a real burn to her brother. She’d totally win Wheel of Fortune by betting $1 more than her competitor. And a pink baseball card binder right underneath??!!! Vicious. Who knew co-writing a letter to Santa was a sibling bloodsport.
Big picture takeaways: they’ve asked a few times if I am Santa. To which I respond a mix of messages that involve “if you believe / magic is fun / traditions are a way to celebrate / ask your Dad.” But they clearly know the truth, because their list is so very practical. Last year they asked for a bunny and “the ability to fly” so they’ve learned some harsh kid realities in the past 11 months about gravity and pets we’d allow.
Despite the legwork required to track down Pokemon cards that I don’t understand (or care to), I am aware enough to appreciate these gentle years where “iPhones” and “new laptops” are not on their list. Maybe I’ll get one of those mini-trampolines?
Merry Merry!